Sunday, July 22, 2012

Some People Not Happy

Just because others want to revel in something does not mean others have to.  I'm not really sure exactly what's going on?

Relief

Some people act like I'm impossible.  Like, others's experiences and treatments reach the ends of the earth.  It looms ahead of me.  It taunts me, not that it is but does it.

Even Big Things

You don't have to live minutely.

I think most people are ahead of me, too.

I see it's not true, too.

So, I can hope it's not true.

To me, there are an endless array of possibilities.  You just have to play with specific things and see them.

Sculpting to the Modern World

I guess some people think they have to do certain things to keep a certain rapport.

Some people come up with strange things.

I guess they think something has to come up that they can't fix.  :(

Getting Happy

Just because someone says something to make me feel better and I find it funny does not mean I have to do what someone else did.  I didn't go with it, though.  It's just funny, not sure what's going on.  It was just a reaction.  I wasn't sure what to think.  Supposedly, I was at wit's end on the other side.

Jazz

I see they start jazz at age 7.

When I was 6, for the ballet recital, we did something more like jazz, no ballet, though, because supposedly we couldn't do it.  However, I see dance, around 2006, and they do things when they don't do much.  I was at a strict school when I was younger.  I guess I couldn't like spin.  Makes sense.  Still, like, we wore tight shorts and tanks.  Some of us had our bellies show.

Some Pliés

I just did some pliés.  I didn't feel like I'd fall over.  It did strain me, which it shouldn't much, like before.  I did feel more balletic this time.  I also wondered why I did it.  It's more exciting posting online.  I'm not sure what kind of a workout level 2 ballet is.  I'm pretty sure I should do level 2 and not 3 because 3 is pointe.

Ballet

I don't know about my hunger cravings, but I'd like to start ballet at the beginning of a year, which will be registration in maybe the middle of August.  I kinda wanted to wait until I was thinner.  I can still go to the gym those days, though.  I should just go and try.  I'll get on a bus, some days, at about 2:00 P.M. and work out until about 11:00 P.M.  For sleep, that leaves 12 hours, no long hours blogging those days.

I was thinking it would be exciting to be a movie actor, but it just seems like work.

Working at Disney World might be fun.  I know I like going there.

I guess I'm just getting older.  Too bad about transportation.

I get the feeling at ballet they aren't really as serious as I am, especially being from Orlando.  They can be smug and creep up on you and get personal, when you just want to enjoy the ballet and learn.

I do feel I'm too late, and it upsets me.  Like, what if I don't enjoy it.  Maybe, I won't go?

I probably just won't go to the gym those days.  So, I'd get 3 days at the gym, though.  Otherwise, I could get 4, ideally.  That is enough, though.

Watcha gonna do to me, now?

It seems things were done to me to satisfy others, like just because I exist!

They believe that, in certain situations, it would have been easy to do something else.  I actually have times a lot when I'm not all there in some way.  I always tried to do the right thing, though?

Doesn't it matter?

Someone does something either because they are mad or they don't know.  I don't believe, then, it is right to do things without letting someone know that is not nice or is to punish them.

What's Going Around

Some people want things more forward.  They don't tell you, though.  They let you know.

Upset and Didn't Know What to Do

I was suggesting because things were coming up that it seemed I wasn't as encouraged to enjoy my life and be in ballet or gymnastics because my brother was born and when I was little had a better life.  My mom would go to places maybe like the grocery store and when I was 2 to the mall.  We had Chick-fil-A and piña coladas without alcohol.  I remember going to an Asian store, too, and looking at the baby corn.  Not only was I in gymnastics, but I tried to look cute, like getting in the newsstand and doing headstands against the couch.  I spun around and did somersaults and backwardsaults.  I wanted to be thin, basically, but I'm not sure how I knew that would make me thin.  I ate pretty healthily.  I was introduced to things like soda and ice cream, I remember, at least the soda and more dessert, like toppings for different flavors of ice cream, when I was about 6 or 7.  I did gymnastics and baton and wasn't fat.  I was skinny.  My stomach wasn't that bony|curvy, though, and I don't think I'm happy about that.  It's still not.  My breast is kinda petite.  I feel I need rest to get rid of the fat around the middle of my body, but I am resting by not working and going to school and going anywhere and am jogging and going to the gym.  I like going to the gym with my dad, but my dad had a busy weekend, anyway.  I'm even wondering if I should take a break, but come time I may feel like going.  I'd like to sleep and read, too.

What Happened Instead of Ballet

I stayed fit with gymnastics.

I guess, I had ended up doing my own thing before it was time to buckle down and pick up an activity.  I gained weight sometime between age 4 and 4 1|2 when my brother was born.  I started ballet at 5 and seemed to have a bigger face and head, which I didn't like.  Well, I wasn't fat fat, and I didn't look like chubby.  It seems like it was worse than being Chinese.  I do have Native American.

It was very different in the 80s.  There was a lot to do.  It was just fun at home.

So, I started to learn to type when I was, probably, 5 or 6.  Maybe 7.

Like, in the 80s, even 90s, there was this certain feeling of like all these ideas and feelings and things surrounding you.

It seems I looked good for my birthdays, at age 3 and 4, but I guess I should have done ballet.  It would have been the smart thing to do.  I know my parents would let me.  At 5, they told me to pick one ... or I could do both, but I guess less.  I don't know how much ballet there was, but I went once a week.  When we were told to pick a song to dance to individually, everyone knew one but me.  Also, the boombox got stolen and we saw muddy footprints.  Our house was attempted to be broken into 3 times here, once or twice successfully.  At first, it was right after we moved here.  The other time was in the past few months.

Another thing was my hair was dark.  I think I liked it that way, but it was light when I was even younger.  It's too bad people with black hair some have a rough time, but in the end I came out okay and still have dark colored hair.  It does have some light tints, now.  It has had tints before.  I mean, it's not like see-through.  I've been lying in the tub.  It's like multi-colored.  Also, I use Sheer Blonde for the lightest shades and Radiant Red.

It seems I was pretty sensitive to things when I was little, like suggestions that seemed to pair with being half Chinese and part Native American.  I guess I didn't feel multi-talented enough, for some reason.  For some reason, I feel my life was a project to become European by keeping switching my lifestyle.  There are things in my life that were definitely right at the time but later wrong.

Ballet

I guess what I should want, should have wanted and did, is to take ballet, first, which I think I said no to because just gymnastics was going well and I eventually got very skinny in a way, and to want to be more advanced younger, which I would hope schools do, rather than act like suddenly it's a lot harder at 7, when maybe most people, well some people, start.

It's interesting how I've been losing my double chin because

I haven't been eating as healthy as I could, but I just had a pizza phase for 2 days.  I wasn't a health nut last night, but it wasn't pizza.

I think it's the gym that helped me.  I got excited at the music last time.

Click on "Classes" and "Enrollment Division:" http://orlandoballetschool.org

I guess it's important to start ballet before you're 5.  It might robotize you, but I'd do it.  I started at 5, and I couldn't focus.  I did gymnastics, but we didn't do dance forms that early.  I actually stayed in it until I turned 9.  I started gymnastics at 1 3|4.  I was attune to the physicality I was introduced to in ballet, but I couldn't do it.  I did better after quitting gymnastics and starting piano for awhile, when there was no ballet where we moved.  I even quit gymnastics just to have an open schedule.  Too bad I was too worried about being half Chinese to wonder about carpooling.

When we moved when I was 7, the ballet school wasn't like serious.  It was more artsy but not like in the same way as multi-dimensional.  I guess it was because at first I was fortunate to find a French teacher.  She moved to Georgia and taught college, when we moved, too.  So, I asked my mom to take me out and find a new place.  I don't know that she found one but asked if I wanted to just take more gymnastics.  I was also in baton, so I had a lot of long marching in the hot sun, in mid-Southeastern Florida, along the coast.  So, I said yes to more gymnastics but never had the guts to be on a team.  It seemed plausible.  I just knew that then I would be less multi-talented, though that thought never came to surface.  So, we moved again, from where I lived at 9-turning 12.  I took ballet, by choice, at the first place we went to, a modern dance studio, but I was upset when I found it was only once a week.  They recommended I wait and start later, since it was the middle of the year and they just started the recital.  They let me in and I was in the recital.  After 2 1|2 years, ... oh yea, it was gentle ... I moved to a private ballet studio.  I was with some enthusiastic girls 3-4 years younger.  I was there from age 15-17.  When I was 16, I tried just doing the adult class, and at 17 I took Thursday off to do gymnastics and Saturday off to go to arts school for classical music as a pianist.  After that, I would have switched to the big dance school.  Someone from there told me at 16 that where I went was better and that she couldn't dance, though she went there 6 days a week.  When I went there, they said you could go anywhere from 1-6 days a week and that The Nutcracker is about if the costume fits.  So, I came back, and it seemed like a serious place, just for ages up to 18|high school.  So, I went to summer camp at my old school.  I was too old for theater, then, too, in the summer, when the kids put on a musical.  During the year, they didn't always do much, if anything.  I went to the activities my first year of high school.

Looking back, the ballet school I went to seemed like it gave you a lot of chance, but I'll admit it's not quite as hard|strict.

So, yes, ballet is a workout that made me sweat all over, particularly at the class I went to for teens.  It was probably hard when I began the kids's class.  I also tried jazz, lyrical, tap, and modern.  The new school I want to go to doesn't have as much of extra classes but has them, probably not tap and lyrical.  So, I lost a lot of weight that year but took off to catch up on rest and see if I could get taller.  It's been 5 years, and I did.

Person Who Was Supposed to Come on Friday

She was gonna come at 6:30 P.M.  I was sleeping, for some reason, and I guess missed supper, which we usually have around 5:15 P.M.  I was a bit affected by the way my dad was acting and, when I saw the lady, my parents were there, and I was professional but perturbed by how I was being treated, just because I was upset!  Now, I don't feel so good about my "late binging."  I was supposed to call her on Friday - oh, so I guess she was supposed to come Thursday - but I was sleeping again.  I woke up, eventually, ate, and went to the gym.

Showing Things Up

Sometimes, people get mad if people hold private lives.

I don't agree with the notion that Hollywood is one big family.  It isn't.  There are too many obscure people.

Well, one thing I've caught was that you're responsible if someone you like becomes famous and it's for your sake.  That's not true.  It's the person's responsibility to decide if they want to be in a movie, usually.  It might not be so for kids.  It's a nice way of looking at things, but it can't be used against you.

The other thing is the idea that you can't do your own thing and that you should consider people who are already famous like family and do something that would appeal to them.  I do know people come on because of influence of others and act showing up a famous person's method.  I myself have "used" celebrities to enhance myself, but most people forget you can do that, eventually, even if they're aware of it.

This was Friday, though.

A mental health pro was supposed to come see me at my house.

However, they were late, and they never came.  I missed supper and stuffed myself on breaded cheese.  I can still feel a probing ball on my stomach, like kinda empty and expanded.  That's similar to bloating when you're busy.  When you're busy and don't sleep and don't rest, neither, your stomach will bloat.  It might not if you're on fruits and vegetables, but you need like grains, like Triscuits (though it has oil or something) and protein (which includes nuts, seeds, soy, protein drinks which might commonly be soy if healthy naturally, meat...)

In Regards to This Prior Post

http://43christina43.blogspot.com/2012/07/i-do-not-approve-of-punishment.html

I guess, sometimes I'm considered country hick.  It's different because, in places like Florida and California, people tend to be on a rapport with obscure cultures.

What Would Happen if I Did Not Say the "N" Word

Something hit me when I thought up this topic, and something hit me again when I was trying to think why..

I guess people would continue to feel forced to look up to me and wouldn't enjoy making fun of me because there would be nothing to back it up.  I believe, though, that people are stopping doing this and that, eventually, as things get better for me, I won't have this problem, anymore.

Weird Punishments

I actually forget even what I was gonna say on this.  (I've been keeping notes on topics I want to discuss.)

Oh, if something is weird that you forgot, I wonder why it'd be a big deal, like maybe you'll find the right punishment in 1|2 year, however insignificant a punishment could possibly be to someone.  I guess it could be worse.  I could be forced to work a part-time job.  It might be fun.  Wait, I meant a full-time minimum waged job.  What's the point in that?

Some people may think that someone with more going should be punished for every little thought, supposedly because of something big you did that wasn't really something wrong by your part.

What's wrong with that is people can't control their thinking because they never have.

It's true, when you see someone with something going for them, it affects you.  It may take awhile to settle or last longer than you'd like, but the influence rubs off, I'd say, easily.

Computers and Planes

If desktop computers mess up, what do you think that means about airplanes?

Since Going to the Gym

as well as continuing to be on top of a schedule running ideally 1 1|2 hours a day, I've lost the bulk of my double chin!  It was more than a double chin, it hung down.  I think it just retracted.  :/

I didn't go to the gym on Saturday nor today, Sunday.  Saturday, I didn't sleep much.  Sunday, I've been sleeping all day.

When to Stop Something

You may see a goal you'd like to attain and think it's something you plunge|plow in and do.  However, if you really didn't do it, you can't pretend you did it.  There are things to consider, like if something is really nice, if it makes sense.  There should be a sign that lets you know if it's probably pretty wrong.  I know, with me, I do some things without thinking, but most of those things aren't the big things.  Also, if I live a certain way, I didn't used to react well if suggestions were made to me that were pretty strong, like not accepting me in a group online because they know I'm not all white.

Getting Used to People Knowing Everything

Oh, so pre-stating my mom would die protects her from really dying?

I also don't at all appreciate people who don't have my best interests at stake thinking I should be made to call someone the "n" word so I can be punished for it, acting like it's okay and was asked for a special reason, to have fun.  Doing it so I would be stimulated, like getting back at me for acting cool and aloof.  If you want to know more specifically, I was muffled even before I had the chance to live.  So, it can't be because of something I did in the womb, that I didn't do much.

Not Worth Going Back for Clues

I don't know what all I missed.

It's not worth it because I hurt.  I have things to do and am trying to relax.  I can, but I don't feel like it right now.  I thought I already would have done that.

Oh, yea, I'm wondering.  It seems like more than one person decided I would get into trouble with the "n" word.  That's what I want to know.  Just because someone is hurt by someone whose race they find menial for getting attention doesn't mean you can trick them into calling you or someone else the "n" word, you know if you think someone's parents wanted it.  These days, parents introduce things early and things you shouldn't do.  Also, some people believe curse words are funny, popular words.  I'd actually been a member of that crowd but didn't use them growing up nor ever against others.  It's because they'd hurt me back.  Some people don't get that.  I don't know why they don't care.

I noticed when certain ideas come to my mind that something happens to me, as well.  I get thoughts this badly because nothing's ever about me, in a way, in reality.  It's been this way for awhile.

So, who could have levered me into using the "n" word as a joke?  And how?

Also, at the gym, someone on a machine sounded like they said my mom would die.  I don't know who it was, for sure.  How perverted is that?  Why would this stuff come up and actually mean something, as well?

Sieving Through and Finding All the Ways Something is an Uncontrollable Accident

sieve

I don't understand how, other than that my parents sent me to the mental hospital as an outlet the second time, someone could premeditate me going there because of not feeling well and throwing things.  I mean, too, I was there a month, though the damage was done the first night!  (I mean ratting out my conscious for something I was made to believe I did.)

Suggestions on What I Am

Oh, so I've thought of some, as well.  However, ... I know I voluntarily brought it up, but I think it was being overly developed as an idea.  I don't like the suggestions that I'm nothing because I'm poor and not famous, though talented and well-intended, like I'm a failure to make it into the world as I should have.  Like, supposedly I intended to not look well.  I had problems a lot, lately.  It may take awhile to get over.  I've had problems with food.  For awhile, I was staying in my room and getting food by myself to eat alone, so it was hard.

Gymnastics

I was behind, though I started at 1 3|4 years old.  However, that's what got me through.  I started early.  I was ahead, though intellectually I was behind.

So, I guess my guilt consumed me.

I think people, first know I'm half Chinese, but then compare ourselves.  Like, they'll notice the other differences, I think mainly where we've lived and how skinny we are.  Well, some parents feed more fattening food than others.  Also, eating more doesn't necessarily make you taller.  So, I guess my guilt consumed me.

Oh, and I worked the hardest in gymnastics as a kid and later in other things, like ballet, at least at some points.

Just in Case

It's still not something I do.

I can just take what comes in different situations, but it's not fun to have things that affect you that aren't your fault in some way ... loom over you.  Sure, if someone told you to do something illegal, you would get in trouble.  I bet it was my friends being mean to me that caused me to get through to certain problems.

When I Get Mad

I feel people are slowly, through the years, managing to dispense of dirty laundry of things I did that I thought fit the crime.  I'm supposedly riding on it.  It's too bad.  I don't even remember what started it.  I think it was something to do with race, one thing, though.  If you're interested in someone's well-being, that shouldn't ruin things, but, oh well, everything's ruined for me.  I mean, I didn't do anything to deserve it.  I don't believe in being treated a step down, just because of what's going on in the world around me.  That's not my fault!

What's Really Important

It seems like some things that were important to me were taken away.  I was very curious, indeed, about the idea that people are to wait their turn, so-to-speak.  I also have been very careful myself in every doing of the same thing.  It's hard to know these pre-existing ideas.  I'm nothing but happy but curious.

Nice

I thought it was actually nice I chose to be what I was.  I have this sorta China|Dutch look but the fundamentals of a handsome English guy.  I wonder why people in Europe are better taken care of, even if they're good.

Another reason ... a lot of girls have the mold of a handsome English guy but not the same makeup.  So, we're the opposite.  I mean, I have an upturned nose.  I'm a girl!

It's nice because I have everything in place but one thing different so I won't be a letdown of jealousy by others.

I said some things when I was mad.

I'm worried about that, but I've lost relationships because of it.  Don't tell me you don't get mad.  I try not to.  I figure pretty much everyone is not worth being in a relationship with.  I just don't get how they function.  Well, I guess it depends.

Racism

Wow, it's amazing how you find a new race to be racist in a different way.  Especially if you're that race yourself.  Just because someone is different is no cause for alarm.

So

I've seen it in them and know they fix what they do to fit that.

Oh, wait, at least I know it's dangerous, now.

Attention

I believe there are certain things people are frantic don't get to happen to me.  This is so uncool because I'm half Chinese (Chinese-Indonesian.)

I don't mind, but it seems to be the cause for danger.  I mean people just died in Aurora.

Doing What Others Want

Why is it it that when someone wants you to do something, say a bad word to them about them, that when you do it you get in trouble with others in your reputation.  I know for a fact people aren't all cool with me, now.  Before, I struggled to have this happen, but I don't know where I went wrong.  I know people have died, but this was before.

New Suggestions

It's funny when someone very likeable drops the ball on you.  Like, they suggest things that otherwise would not have been suggested.

I don't see why someone I watched acted like they wanted me to call them stupid because I did in a way that fit in and didn't surprise them much.

I don't understand the new unrest against me, but I think I know what it was.

Elaborate Thoughts

I don't admire people with elaborate thoughts who don't know what they're doing.

Trying to Prevent Me From Getting Famous

Well, I'm going to, anyway.

Something Someone Else Did

Also, why punish me for something someone else did that annoyed you?

Oh no, help!  Will this stop?  What else do I have lay vulnerable???

It seems like people want to torture me.

I haven't been very bad.

Hey, this could lead to death!

About the title of my topic, I do feel the threat and believe it.  It doesn't make sense.  I guess it makes sense, in a way.  It seems, for some reason, which seems evil, others find it funny.

Intentional?

I guess people just want to wipe their conscious clean and go about what they do to most people after people think you've done something wrong.  I wonder what would have happened if the "n" word thing never happened.  It's almost like I'm not sure, but it's like it was meant to be.

So, if it's intentional, what does that mean?

There are some things I don't understand.

I think my parents feel justified that I was made to call someone the "n" word, at least my mom.  I feel ratted.

So, why is it important that the "n" word thing doesn't go out?

Also, I don't believe in punishment to impress.

There are, indeed, some things I don't know.

There are too many clues.

I know some people ... Well, nevermind.

I think some things just went to their head too much.  I don't believe I get affected to find faults.  It's strange how others take advantages of things.

It feels like my whole life was taken over.

I figured the reason I don't call people niggers because it would really be funny.

I mean, I shouldn't call the person I did that, we know, so far.

The reason I don't talk back, though, nor fight is because the person will just call me something and fight back.  I do reiterate my dignity, that I'm white, simply, though even good people can't stand that viewpoint.  I don't do that anymore, though.

The other reason is that it doesn't seem like it's usually that fun.  I guess it's also a waste.  You can use your energy on lots of people you like.

About saving for a special someone, I just assume that everyone is already taken.  It's like I live in a safe house.

I feel I wasn't equipped with the tools to function properly but was allowed to do a lot of things because I was good.  I was made to get fatter when I was a baby, and I didn't really have a shape, neither, it seemed.  Maybe, it's because my mom's Chinese-Indonesian.  So, I think the reason is because I got fat as a baby and never fully got skinny.  I mean, I started out smaller.  I am glad I got a little fat, but I think it was just too much.  I don't think I could function knowing I was a fatso.  I wonder if my parents knew that being fat and silly would affect me, when that's like the opposite of what I wanted.  Also, they do it like kinda tacky.  They do leave me to figure things out.  They don't praise me.  When I got older, like my dad would say I looked good in how I started to dress.  I think I dressed better after reading the Little House Books and some of the American Girls.  I noticed I dread reading, these days, but I've had times where I was engrossed in it.  It seems like Harry Potter made me stop reading, like I'd had it, something cool but a different experience.

Was it my parents?

Who would believe I would get opened up and reinterpreted and rumored, by getting sent to the mental hospital, just because of the "n" word thing, which wasn't my fault?

Suspicion

Some people seem sneaky, but I'd like to toss that idea.

Some things aren't big enough to affect certain other things.

Can you believe it's happening?

I guess you wouldn't get mad at someone you like.

Things Becoming a Big Deal

There are 2 ways things become a big deal and more attractive.

I think it was 1st the person in the mental hospital relaying the message of the "n" word in a way that made people do the wrong thing to "get it out."  That was the real problem.

Another, even bigger? mistake is when it affects big things.

I noticed people are trying to shift the blame on different people.

You think you know if someone had a reason for something.  It'll be interesting to find that out.  Some people are weird, too, and do things just for the heck of it.

So, people are mad about their big toys being taken away, and that led to the Colorado shooting of The Dark Knight Rises.

End of story.  ^^,,^^

2 New Pictures of Me

Photobucket

Photobucket

Me

Whoops!

You always have to compare me to someone else to discover you've done something wrong and taken advantage of me over the truth!

I seem to be getting the same message from everyone.

They want to rip me from house and home but admit I deserve some luvin', meaning I hadn't gotten as much before.

The Person Who Did the Back Handspring

They were not very skinny.  The dancers seemed dry.  This tells me that you shouldn't take dance to do things like that.  When I started on MySpace, I saw ads for dancers to get a beep when a dance audition opens up.  I guess that's not for strictly ballerinas.

So, if you do ballet, I guess you should want to do a good performance that people seek out, like get a part in The Nutcracker.  If I go back to ballet, I want to be fit, first, because that way I may succeed.  I'll be able to balance, too.  So, instead, I get more of a workout at the gym, rather than stationing in an easy class at my physical fitness level.

I'm concerned about the community college's dance major.  It's half modern.  I would think it would be a waste of a ballerina's time.

I saw the recital of Orlando Ballet.  I may be able to get into the program for more serious older dancers, though I think it's for high schoolers.  I think, if I can keep up with a younger class, I'd be allowed in.  I honestly know I can make it talent-wise.  It's just the memorizing and stretching that I need to improve.  I did think during my jog I need to do stretches regularly.  I'm trying to eat more healthily.  I had some binges recently, though, but I'm like rotating in spaced out shifts between pizza, hamburgers, and hot dogs.  I also had to finally throw in my dessert.

I feel more encouraged to dance than sing.  I think I will record myself singing today, though.

So, yes, I will try to get in shape, and, when I am, switch to ballet.  I might keep my walking, too, but ballet is a lot of work.  I guess you have to eat right and get enough sleep to get your body going.

The other option would be to be in a movie, but I could mess around in ballet, first, to get experience and gain skills that could carry on into good acting.  I firmly believe it is the dancer's responsibility to dance wisely and in a way that will benefit them in their future.  I'm 26 and feeling healthy.  So, I hope, when I turn 27, I will be ready for ballet!  I do miss things like drawing and will do that, too.  I've done that for fun my whole life, except when I was majoring in music.

...

Okay, so I can actually read into taking this much ballet.  Here, if you want to practice:
orlandoballetschool.org - Then, click on "classes."

Taking the adult classes isn't a good idea.  It's a waste of work-out time.  True, I do nothing, but I sleep a lot these days and my day goes by fast.  Now, I dedicate my time to the internet, posting.  My other big thing now is I need to rearrange my room, the garage.  What's nice is the door's plastered over from previous home owners.

I did take a trial class here, but they decided I shouldn't stay.  Even at one of the minor campuses, they were dedicating time to the students there, like I saw individually training this one girl so she could get into a certain higher class.  This was maybe 6 years ago.  I ended up going to Central Florida Ballet School, which also hosts a professional company.  They offer modern, jazz, lyrical, and tap, as well, I think.  I almost did it but I guess succumbed to just wanting ballet and also wanted to grow.  I probably should have kept going but got a lot better in the end.

I guess taking a break is important.  I find myself wanting to start ballet now.  I would like to take level 2.  I would probably have to find a way to get to the bus, so I'm not sure if I can do it.

You know, though, I just want to know if it's okay.  I mean, it probably is.  They have people starting at 12.  I'm not that tall.

So, I already deduced that an older person doesn't get in the way.  It's just about the feel of a class of all the same age around.  I find that people like me in their class so they can learn from me.  I just need some brushing up, which is also what my ballet teacher in college recommended.  At Central Florida Ballet School, the other school, they just invited me to their adult class, which is during the day, though.  That could work out, as well.

I suppose this seems ideal
Central Florida Ballet School
though I'd feel more comfortable with kids at Orlando Ballet.

I see they have a DVD.
Intermediate & Advanced Ballet
I still would feel better at Orlando Ballet with the kids!

I just did some pliés in different positions and almost fell over!  I'm not fat fat.  So I Think I Can Dance.

I don't want to be a bad influence if I'm fatter, but I do look like a real person and look more polished than before.

It's funny I don't feel like eating too much now.  I didn't go to the gym but jogged outside for an hour and a half, which is my usual scheduled route.

Every Clash of Ideas Calls for Attention

Every clash of ideas is a conspiracy.  I mean of things that might be okay or not.  It's things that have not been set or maybe some good ideas.

How bad is it if you can't help thinking something?

What if you're really mad?  I suppose it's understandable, but it still has consequences.

I try not to get mad like that.

Guns

Every movie theater, at least in Colorado, needs to have a scanner doorway like at the airport.  The major city in Northeastern Florida has talking trash cans.  I don't know how they do it and not get stopped up at everything, but it works.  They need to put them in every major building, like schools, churches, movie theaters, large stores.  The internet needs to be scanned, even e-mail.  There needs to be internet police and local police internet awareness.  Houses need to have windows as strong as shark tanks.

Something to Play With

People are excited about what they'll do to punish me.  They think just because they were born in a certain era and were prim and proper, like they had blonde hair or were all Caucasian blood, they did something right and you did something wrong.  I think that's why they're excited to read my blogs.  They just simply hold the "n" word thing as their excuse.  I know there are 2 reasons.  One is because of the way other people respond to them and can read into their thoughts and the other set up as a discipline.

So, the ammo these people come in with is just their birth year, race, and maybe hair color.  That's how they "start it" and insult you.  I don't believe in that a birth year determines how good you are!

So, they target your main weakness and twist around the truth until the events consume you.  Their job is to wait there and punish you.  They let you mess up, too.  In fact, they want you to.  It's hard to know how.  Then, when you "listen," literally, they do something you don't life.

So, they're sitting there excited like they're into you, but that's why, so they can do something to make you feel guilty.

It's funny how someone can get excited that they're a good person but then veer off and get hypertechnical until they do this, lure you in to get you to do the wrong thing and then make fun of you for it or do something you really don't like.

It's nice to be a person everyone likes, but there's no need to overreact and mess things up that can't be fixed!  I don't see how anyone can believe I didn't mean the "n" word thing but thought they wanted me to do it, literally sending messages like in how they act and what they say, and then veer off and act like that's not how it went down.  They want to find something there to pretend they're doing something special, special and smart.  They want to make you feel bad about it to make themselves feel powerful and give them something to play with.

Think about it.

I may make a mistake, but a lot of people are wrong all the time and don't act right.  I'm pretty much perfect, just with some hardships, which are unfair and due to a combination of jealousy and racism.  Does that kinda make you mad?  Well, I'm just some other person, successful in some ways, no reason to eradicate me.  You're supposed to adjust your life to your new dreams!  I still sense a problem in this logic flow with others.  Please, do not get mad at someone for doing something rudimentary that you cannot do.  If it's outlandish and like cheating and too happy for the wrong reasons is another thing that should be dwelt on, not trying to stimulate someone and like play with them and make them mess up.  It's funny, I guess, when someone actually does this, like they're getting back at the world by hurting someone they're jealous of, jealous of the way they deal with things but not wanting to change their set personality, when it's time to change.  You may say something is okay, but it may affect you later.  There's a problem with doing things to people totally unrelated to reality, in dealing with issues teaching someone certain things.

I'm taken aback.  People these days are so mean, and writing a blog is an easy way to tell about it.  I'm not a bad person for doing that.  If I mean someone specific, I will address them as such or post in a way that indicates just that.

I do try to stop, but like, when I change, I find that base has already been taken, like people are waiting for you to slip up against yourself, or others, and to make you feel bad.

People seem to not care if they're not much to me, just to make sure they're honest about something I don't know.

Sometimes, I'm risqué and do things when I'm not quite all there, like I am now.  It's just hard to say exactly what I'm trying to get across as the point.  I kinda forgot too much to reach that end.

It's funny since the "n" word thing, people are still admitting new things, things that have not been admitted before, and always doing in in some way that is against me and probably often both me and the other person.  I just can't believe it.  That is so messed up.  It doesn't even make sense.  I guess someone really wanted to overcome me.  Something convinced them.  It's like someone's managed to hypnotize everyone into submission of why they'd be against me.  Speaking of which, Obama cancelled a speech or something here after The Dark Knight Rises shootings.  I blame the person who spread the rumor from when I was in the mental hospital.  It cannot be avoided.  He looked like the same race as Obama and got blackheads.  People here don't do that for your benefit, ultimately, but for the fact that they think they have to do it.  If someone literally told everyone I did something, they would believe it and label me as dishonest, whereas, before, things were okay, actually.  It's just that I got mad and hit the wall and gained weight and stuff.  I don't know when I started singing, maybe after the "n" word thing.  It was sad.  After awhile, I got sent to the mental hospital.  We changed my room to the garage, ah now I remember that time.

...

Anyone who thinks I need to be punished doesn't know what they're doing.

Anyone who thinks I need to be punished doesn't know what they're doing.

This is the internet.  I can blog about what I want.

I'm an honest person, obviously, and I mean no one no harm.  A lot of people are mean to me.  Sure, I have thoughts against their actions, but I never taunt them and ruin their life.

People get mad at me for petty reasons.

I've had people do wrong things to me and still be accepted, whereas I was not.  Mostly, they probably have justified their reasons, however.  Usually, they never apologize and never change their ways.  I've seen them get in trouble a lot, these days, in a way.  It's funny how they don't have the will to take it back.

If someone bothers me, I can say something on the internet.  It's all because of that "n" word thing.  People just don't treat me right.  They just don't.  I can tell.  I mean exactly what I say.

I'm worried that some people can't take certain things others say.  See, that has never happened to me.  Maybe, it's people not from somewhere like Florida.  People in Florida solve their own problems and often make mistakes, depending on the area.

I guess I'm more upset about what I've done.  I just feel funny to be judged for being mad while I try to express myself.  I mean no harm.  What I say isn't altogether worthless.  I do know that a lot of people are very elaborate thinkers, though.  Maybe, it's time to move on.  I still feel that people want to get back at me.  I want to make them happy, but they want wrong things to happen.  Some of them may do it consciously, but others I don't know.  It's usually just "what" happens.  They know what they think.  I know some people aren't altogether quite there?  That's kinda cool, though!