Not Worth Going Back for Clues

I don't know what all I missed.

It's not worth it because I hurt.  I have things to do and am trying to relax.  I can, but I don't feel like it right now.  I thought I already would have done that.

Oh, yea, I'm wondering.  It seems like more than one person decided I would get into trouble with the "n" word.  That's what I want to know.  Just because someone is hurt by someone whose race they find menial for getting attention doesn't mean you can trick them into calling you or someone else the "n" word, you know if you think someone's parents wanted it.  These days, parents introduce things early and things you shouldn't do.  Also, some people believe curse words are funny, popular words.  I'd actually been a member of that crowd but didn't use them growing up nor ever against others.  It's because they'd hurt me back.  Some people don't get that.  I don't know why they don't care.

I noticed when certain ideas come to my mind that something happens to me, as well.  I get thoughts this badly because nothing's ever about me, in a way, in reality.  It's been this way for awhile.

So, who could have levered me into using the "n" word as a joke?  And how?

Also, at the gym, someone on a machine sounded like they said my mom would die.  I don't know who it was, for sure.  How perverted is that?  Why would this stuff come up and actually mean something, as well?