I figured the reason I don't call people niggers because it would really be funny.

I mean, I shouldn't call the person I did that, we know, so far.

The reason I don't talk back, though, nor fight is because the person will just call me something and fight back.  I do reiterate my dignity, that I'm white, simply, though even good people can't stand that viewpoint.  I don't do that anymore, though.

The other reason is that it doesn't seem like it's usually that fun.  I guess it's also a waste.  You can use your energy on lots of people you like.

About saving for a special someone, I just assume that everyone is already taken.  It's like I live in a safe house.

I feel I wasn't equipped with the tools to function properly but was allowed to do a lot of things because I was good.  I was made to get fatter when I was a baby, and I didn't really have a shape, neither, it seemed.  Maybe, it's because my mom's Chinese-Indonesian.  So, I think the reason is because I got fat as a baby and never fully got skinny.  I mean, I started out smaller.  I am glad I got a little fat, but I think it was just too much.  I don't think I could function knowing I was a fatso.  I wonder if my parents knew that being fat and silly would affect me, when that's like the opposite of what I wanted.  Also, they do it like kinda tacky.  They do leave me to figure things out.  They don't praise me.  When I got older, like my dad would say I looked good in how I started to dress.  I think I dressed better after reading the Little House Books and some of the American Girls.  I noticed I dread reading, these days, but I've had times where I was engrossed in it.  It seems like Harry Potter made me stop reading, like I'd had it, something cool but a different experience.